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I would be very rich if I had a dollar for the number of times I have heard how men are assertive but the same traits in a woman are perceived as aggressive.

It’s frustrating, not fair and just damn annoying – right?  Well, we know life isn’t fair, so you need to get over that.

Frustrating and annoying – absolutely, so what can you do?

Let me give you a few Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication tips which no matter your behavioural style, should get you across the line.

Verbal features which convey respect, sincerity and firmness

• Firm, relaxed voice. Sometimes when you get passionate you may find your voice speeds up and becomes a little higher in pitch.  Slowing your speed down helps you keep you voice lower and more confident sounding.
• Fluent and sincere.  I know this sounds odd, but be clear on your topic, this will help you come across as fluent and sincere.
• Appropriate volume for situation. Don’t raise your voice unless absolutely necessary, it’s seen as being emotional.  When emotions are high, intelligence is low and often raised voices show high emotions.
• Cooperative and constructive. Listen clearly before you offer an opinion and ensure it is constructive and not destructive.  Be solutions focussed rather than part of the problem.

Non-Verbal features of assertive communication can indicate respect, sincerity and confidence

• Receptive listening.  People love great listeners. It is more likely you will be taken seriously if you have actively listened before you add your opinion.
• Direct eye contact.  It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway – if you don’t hold direct eye contact, you look like you are lacking confidence and probably untrustworthy.
• Open body stance. Some people call this ‘power posing’, no matter what you call it, ensure you have good posture. Don’t slump in your seat or sit there with your arms crossed, it gives the impression you are not interesting in the proceedings.

If someone still has issues with your style after these, get over it.  Remember you can’t be all things to all people.  As long as you know you’re being authentic, you’re on the right track.

Confidence and Assertiveness is a soft-skill which can be learned and with practice everyone can become a clear and confident communicator.

e same traits in a woman are perceived as aggressive.

It’s frustrating, not fair and just damn annoying – right?  Well, we know life isn’t fair, so you need to get over that.

Frustrating and annoying – absolutely, so what can you do?

Let me give you a few Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication tips which no matter your behavioural style, should get you across the line.

Verbal features which convey respect, sincerity and firmness

• Firm, relaxed voice. Sometimes when you get passionate you may find your voice speeds up and becomes a little higher in pitch.  Slowing your speed down helps you keep you voice lower and more confident sounding.
• Fluent and sincere.  I know this sounds odd, but be clear on your topic, this will help you come across as fluent and sincere.
• Appropriate volume for situation. Don’t raise your voice unless absolutely necessary, it’s seen as being emotional.  When emotions are high, intelligence is low and often raised voices show high emotions.
• Cooperative and constructive. Listen clearly before you offer an opinion and ensure it is constructive and not destructive.  Be solutions focussed rather than part of the problem.

Non-Verbal features of assertive communication can indicate respect, sincerity and confidence

• Receptive listening.  People love great listeners. It is more likely you will be taken seriously if you have actively listened before you add your opinion.
• Direct eye contact.  It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway – if you don’t hold direct eye contact, you look like you are lacking confidence and probably untrustworthy.
• Open body stance. Some people call this ‘power posing’, no matter what you call it, ensure you have good posture. Don’t slump in your seat or sit there with your arms crossed, it gives the impression you are not interesting in the proceedings.

If someone still has issues with your style after these, get over it.  Remember you can’t be all things to all people.  As long as you know you’re being authentic, you’re on the right track.

Confidence and Assertiveness is a soft-skill which can be learned and with practice everyone can become a clear and confident communicator.